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Well… here it is… my first Metroblog. I’ve been thinking that maybe for my first post I should keep things simple… kind of a hello / how are you? question and answer process. I know we’re supposed to write a bio but bio’s are so pretentious… I think mine says something like “professional idiot and obnoxious fool”.

While blogging here at Metroblogging Miami… I hope that you get the sense that I’m all over the board with my philosophies and opinions… and boy… I got myself some opinions. I’m liberal and hypocritical. I’m self righteous and indignant. I do not like popular people. I don’t really like people period. Which, come to think of it, is a total contradiction considering that i spend my days railing against violence, oppression, and all around the systematic alienation of our rights as human beings.

Miami is actually a really great town…

I just lied… I can’t have our relationship begin on half truths.

Miami is horrible.

Miami is either totally bright with lots of pastel colors and Latin music with skimpy bathing suits and cool people walking around the Lincoln Road Mall in their underwear OR it’s completely dark and grey and you get the general sense that sometime during the day you will be hearing the sounds of the city’s paramedics shrilling siren making sure that you know they are toting off the same senior citizen that cut you off on Biscayne Blvd. last week at 1:30 in the afternoon.

Miami trys very hard to be “important”. Miami wants to be something…. and yet Miami constantly fails.

Let’s look at some facts here….

We have no influx of new thoughts and ideas…. things that are brought on only by having colleges in your town. The University of Miami does NOT count as a college town school. This school is based on pure athletisicm… the kind of athletic capabilities that lands half the team in jail each year.

We have NO COLLEGE RADIO. We have a high school radio station that plays the same song over and over and over again…

Miami was once considered the United States of Americas answer to Cuba… gambling…. resorts… boat rides. We were a sprawling land of palm trees and Jackie Gleason funded events… but we sorta messed that whole thing up with that Bay Of Pigs thing…. It’s not so great in the brochure when you have a footnote like that in your history.

Miami was also a surging music market during the disco era…lots of albums were recorded here and Miami built lots of patios for disco parties. The Bee Gees made Miami there home. Jive Talkin was awesome, huh?

I think everyone knows what happened with that…

This town was pretty big in the 80’s for doling out slabs of celluloid… we were the next “East Coast Hollywood” . We were a movie making machine. I mean… the Miami Vice T.V. show and Pacino’s Scarface could’ve really cemented our standings concerning our cities silver screen marketing capabilities. Unfortunately, right around the same time as ur Don Johnson look -a- like contests at the beach bars… there was this thing called Canada… in particular, Toronto. They got busy working on buttering up all the location scouts with booze and broads and wooing the producers in Los Angeles with promises of tax breaks… something the Miami city commissioners threw out of contention long ago.

But in all fairness though… Miami has seen it’s share of cool things.

MTV Latin Music Awards… Okay…. well… hmmm….

The Real World Miami… they were here too…

Yeah… your right…. okay… well….

The Florida Marlins?… ooh…. yeah…. I forgot….

The Florida Panthers?

Miami Dolphins?

The Miami Heat!!!

Yeah… the Miami Heat… they actually have had recent winning seasons AND a National Championship AND a guy on the team who makes real commercials for deodorant companies and jock itch creams….

So… I guess it’s not so bad… I mean… we could be a town known for our compassion… like having rehabilitation programs for the homeless…

Or maybe we could make a name for ourselves as a city that breaks the barriers of race and sexual orientation and gives equal opportunity to everyone regardless of these issues…

How great would it be to be talked about as community who prides itself on the way we educate our children… spreading the riches of one school boundary into another boundary with not so many riches…

And culture?

Who needs culture when you have a successful basketball franchise?

And with that, my new friends, I’ll be back soon with a post on the wonderful ways our local tax dollars are being spent on giving equal opportunity to all the children in Broward and Dade county schools… regardless of the ethnic or religious make up of the community… and if you believe that last statment… I’ll be forwarding you an interview I did recently with the Tooth Fairy….


I consciously kept things as light as possible for my first post…. I promise you that in the coming weeks I will irritate… agitate… and berate most of you if not all of you. I will more than likely find a way at any given time to alienate even the most staunch supporters of many of my views…

and that my new friends… is what it’s all about.

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