Shells & Shells (oh, and also, shells)
So my sister and her fiancee were in town this past weekend. They’re getting married in June and guess what the leitmotif of their wedding is gonna be? That’s right, you guessed it, shells.
Now in the old days I’m sure if you came to Florida seeking shells, you’d just skip on out to the beach, plop yourself down on the first patch of sand, close your eyes, bury your greedy meathooks in the wet grit, dump it all in a bucket and call it a day.
In the modern age of consumerism, dredging, and manicured white sand, there are no more sea shells on the sea shore (nor is Sally selling them on the pricey waterfront anymore) so if you come to Florida to collect shells, skip the beach entirely and head straight for the marvelous commercial establishments hawking all sorts of crustacean lucre along with huge helpings of nostalgia for the old days when you could actually find this stuff on the beach…
Alex’s Gift Shop,
236 N Federal Hwy,
Alex’s (see picture at the top) is a little bastion of old Florida kitsch, complete with pink flamingos($32), coconut patties($10), orange blossom perfume($5), curmudgeony old marms manning the cash registers and every possible type of shell you can imagine, which, if you’re into that thing, turns out to be quite a lot. My sister, upon spying the unimaginable volumes of abandoned crustacean trailer homes literally started running around the store, giddy. She is 32 years old. It was a little weird. She came back to earth when she saw the prices which were a little steep and limited her purchases. But all bets were off when, after a quick sailing trip in Key Largo, we turned back on to the highway to head home and spotted… SHELL WORLD
Key Largo , FL
Shell World, my friends, Shell World is where you go to realize your dream if you are a woman planning a wedding filled with shells. Which I know goes for a lot of you out there. They literally have barrels, vats, carts, pans, shelves, fishing nets filled with shells. They’ve shellacked shells onto mirrors, purses, ropes, t-shirts, you name it just so you can get your maximum shell on. And they are 20-50% cheaper than the marms up in Dania.
So there you have it more than you ever wanted to know about where to go to get the good stuff.