How To Be Homeless In Style

I suddenly find my self without housing for at least three weeks and have to find somewhere to live. Basically I’m homeless, and I’ve never been in that situation before. Here’s a basic guide I’ve put together for when you need emergency housing in Miami.

1. The obvious answer is to bum on a friend’s couch, but none of my friends seem to have open couches at the moment.

2. Get an Extended Stay Hotel, unfortunately these seem to be all booked up for the full three weeks due to things like Art Basel and Snowbirds.

3. Check Craig’s List for temporary housing. Although it seems that most of the temporary places in Miami are luxury studios on South Beach which tend to be on the pricey side.

4. This is an option I’ve fantasized about for years, but only for a weekend. Generally you’d spend all night out in the South Beach clubs, and stay up partying until at least 8 am. Then you’d walk over to the beach, get in a bathing suit, role out the towel, put on tons of sunscreen, and sleep the day away while getting an awesome tan. You’d shower in a YMCA or something.

5. Be a total slut. Basically go out every night and go home with someone, do the deed, and then sleep at their place. You have to be flexible for this to work though, you might end up with ugly people or people not of your preferred sex. You’re homeless, you can’t be picky. Warning: this option may give your herpes.

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